The Uncommon Cold Read online

  Dedication

  For Griff, Emers, and the stomp rockets they rode in on

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Dedication

  A Note About This Story

  Hall of Explorers

  One: Breaking News

  Two: Isolation Vacation

  Three: Mission Pretty Possible

  Four: Robot Reception

  Five: Metal Paradise

  Six: Movable Feast

  Seven: Call a Waambulance

  Eight: Nowhere to Run to, Baby

  Nine: The Plot Sickens

  Ten: Fireworks

  Eleven: Swarm and Cozy

  Twelve: Trash Day

  Thirteen: Long Live the Queen?

  Fourteen: Friends Don’t Let Friends Blow Up

  Fifteen: Aftershocks

  Hall of Aliens

  Excerpt from The Alien Adventures of Finn Caspian #4: Journey to the Center of That Thing

  About the Author and Illustrator

  Books by Jonathan Messinger

  Back Ad

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  A Note About This Story

  The tale you are about to read takes place approximately 36.54372 million miles away from Earth, as the crow flies. It has been collected and woven together via various interview transcripts, recordings, and interstellar laser screams sent to Earth from the Famous Marlowe 280 Interplanetary Exploratory Space Station over the past decade.

  “Laser scream” may be a new term for you, as it is still not well understood on Earth, but we don’t have time to get into it here.

  The astronauts who boarded the Marlowe were charged with one mission: to discover a planet where humans could one day live. Captain Isabel Caspian sends out teams of explorers. Finn and his friends are all remarkable, but Finn will always have a special place in the history books.

  Because Finn was the first kid born in space.

  So in many ways, Finn was born for exactly the type of situation in which we find him here in this book. But it will be up to you to decide if that makes him lucky or not.

  Hall of Explorers

  Chapter One

  Breaking News

  Finn was just walking out of the library when he saw his three friends heading toward him. Abigail Obaro, his best friend, was in front. Behind her strode Elias Carreras and Vale Gil. Together the four of them made up Explorers Troop 301, and they had explored some crazy planets together. They were an amazing team.

  But right now, something was different. As his friends approached, Finn could tell they weren’t on his team. It was the three of them, and the one of him.

  “Uh, hey,” said Finn, as the other three got closer. “What’s up, guys?”

  Abigail nodded and turned back to Elias and Vale.

  No one said anything. No one did anything. It was silent in the hallway of the Famous Marlowe 280 Interplanetary Exploratory Space Station.

  “So I got some new books out of the li—” said Finn.

  “Cool,” said Elias. He didn’t seem to even notice he’d cut Finn off. “We, uh, we should get going.”

  “Yeah, cool,” said Vale. “Super cool. See you later.”

  His three friends spread out to go around him. Finn held out his arms to stop them, and they all jumped back.

  “Back, foul demon!” shouted Vale.

  “Foul demon?” said Finn. “Vale, did you eat too much astronaut ice cream again? Actually, all three of you guys are being really weird. What’s up?”

  The three of them looked at each other.

  “Nothing,” said Abigail.

  “That was the least convincing ‘nothing’ I’ve ever heard,” said Finn. “You might as well have just said, ‘I’m lying.’ Obviously, something is going on.”

  Elias shrugged.

  “It’s not really a big deal,” he said.

  “I’m sure she’s going to be fine,” said Abigail.

  Vale put his hand over his face.

  “There it is,” he said. “Cat’s out of the bag.”

  “What is it?” asked Finn. “You’re sure who’s going to be fine? Is someone not fine right now? Is it Paige?”

  Paige was Finn’s little sister. And she was super talented at getting into trouble.

  “No!” Abigail exclaimed, seeming relieved. “No, of course not. Paige is totally fine.”

  “Oh, good,” said Finn.

  “Well, I guess that’s it then,” said Elias. “See you, Finn!”

  “No!” said Finn. “Who are you guys talking about if it’s not Paige?”

  “Eh, forget it,” said Abigail.

  “I can’t forget it!” Finn shouted. “Like you guys said, the cat’s out of the bag!”

  “Just put the cat back in the bag,” said Vale.

  “I can’t!” said Finn. “The cat’s out and is now scurrying down the hallway.”

  “I don’t know,” said Elias. “The cat seems kind of sleepy to me. She might want to go back in the bag and rest.”

  “The cat ate like fifteen candy bars and is bouncing off the walls,” said Finn.

  “I think the cat loves bags,” said Abigail. “And just needs to find the right bag to settle down in—”

  “Cats hate bags!” shouted Finn. “This cat thinks bags are bad. Bad bags!”

  “Your mom is a snot monster!” yelled Vale.

  And with that, Finn slumped against the wall, hand over his heart.

  “She is?” he said.

  Abigail nodded, but didn’t come near him.

  “So that means,” said Finn, “I’m going to be a snot monster, too.”

  All three of Finn’s friends nodded and took a step away from him.

  “Sorry about that whole cat thing,” said Abigail. “But, you know, not sorry enough to give you a hug over it or anything.”

  Chapter Two

  Isolation Vacation

  No one likes getting a cold. No matter where someone is in the universe, the symptoms are the same: runny nose, watery eyes, cough, sore throat, the redness on that little part of the face where the nostrils meet the upper lip (that’s the worst).

  But on a space station, a common cold can be a disaster. Every breath you take on a space station, someone else has already taken it. You’re just borrowing that bit of air until you puff it out of your lungs for someone else to inhale and use for a second. And with all that air swapping comes germ swapping.

  Of course, the Marlowe has excellent air filtration systems, but a cold virus is the trickiest life-form in the known universe. The cold is basically a biological ninja, sneaking in and side-kicking your sinuses no matter what defenses you’ve put up.

  So it’s a policy on the Marlowe that if any astronaut gets sick, their whole family must be quarantined immediately. Quarantine is like being grounded. You have to stay in your room, no one can come visit you, and the only people you can talk to are the ones in your family.

  It’s punishment by boredom, even though you didn’t do anything wrong.

  If you’re a little sick, you may only have to be quarantined for a couple days. If your cough never stops, you’ll be quarantined for a week or two. If you are, as Vale said, a “snot monster,” you could be in your tiny compartment with just your family for as long as a month, until everyone is cleared.

  “Thith will be fun,” said Finn’s mom, Isabel Caspian, the Marlowe captain. Her cold had so filled her sinuses with snot that she sounded like her head was inside a pumpkin. “Don’t be tho thad, Finn. It will path by before you know it. Who wanth to play Monopoly?”

  And so the Caspian family—mother Isabel, father Leon, son Finn, and daughter Paige—began playing their first of many games of Monopoly.

  “It’s not fair that I have to be here even though I’m not sick,” said Finn.

  “Yeah,” said Paige. “You guys are all gross and sick and I’m fine. Also, it’s not fair that you make me be the thimble in Monopoly. Who wants to be a thimble? What even is a thimble?”

  But of course, by the next day, both Finn and Paige were full-fledged snot monsters.

  A few times a day, every day, Captain Caspian would sit at a computer in their family’s living room, going over reports on the Marlowe’s travels and sending advice and commands to the rest of the ship. The space station outside the Caspian compartment continued to make its way across galaxies, even though the four snot monsters couldn’t see it.

  Foggy, Finn’s robot, got to come and go as he pleased. The entire family would have to huddle in Finn’s parents’ bedroom, door closed, so Foggy could open and shut the front door without letting out contaminants. Sometime in the third week, it got a little old.

  “Hello, Caspian family!” Foggy yelled from the hallway. “Please exit the living room so I may come in.”

  “Ugh,” said Paige, putting down a crayon. “Let’s drop everything. Finn’s sidekick wants to come in . . . again.”

  The family got up, retreated to the parents’ bedroom, and shut the door—as they did every time Foggy came to visit.

  “Tell Foggy he can come in, Finn,” said Captain Caspian.

  “All clear,” mumbled Finn.

  “You have to yell it, Finn,” said Captain Caspian. “He’s not going to hear you.”

  Truthfully, Finn didn’t want to yell it. Foggy was always so upbeat. Sometimes when he was sick, Finn just wanted to feel miserable.

  “All clear!” Finn shouted. They heard the front door open and close, and they all file
d out into the living room.

  “Hello, Caspian family!” said Foggy.

  “You already said that,” said Finn.

  “I am so pleased to see you!” shouted Foggy. “Even though I am not pleased to see you looking so terrible. I wish I could help you all. I’m sad you’re all feeling so bad. If there’s anything I can do, please tell me.”

  “I still can’t believe you choose to come in here with us,” said Paige. “There’s no way I’d volunteer to hang out with Finn every day.”

  Finn considered which Monopoly piece to throw at his sister.

  “But he is my boon companion!” Foggy exclaimed. “My true pal. My friend-to-the-end! There is no way I would ever abandon him here to his snot monstrosity!”

  “Foggy, please,” said Finn. “A little less loud.”

  “I am sorry,” said Foggy. “Robots, as you know, cannot get sick.”

  “Yes, you’ve said that,” said Finn.

  “So, I do not know what it feels like to be sick,” said Foggy.

  “I know,” said Finn.

  “So while you are wretched, I will just observe you, so I may learn about what being sick means,” said Foggy.

  He sat down on the coffee table across from Finn and stared at him as Finn pushed a tissue up his nose.

  “You have a little flag dangling from your nostril, Finn,” said Foggy.

  “It’s not a flag, Foggy, it’s a—”

  “I have an idea!” shouted Foggy. He sprang to his feet. “Dance party!”

  Foggy pushed a button on his left arm and music began playing out of his torso. He started twirling his hips and pointing his finger in the air. He looked like he would tip over at any second.

  “Foggy, please!” shouted Finn. “I don’t feel well. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to move. And I definitely don’t want to dance.”

  “Yeah, none of us want to see that, either,” said Paige.

  Finn coughed and spittle flew out of his mouth all over Foggy’s chest.

  “Ew,” said Finn. “Sorry, Foggy.”

  “It’s okay,” said Foggy. “I’m sure it’s harmless.”

  “Do you want a tissue?” asked Finn.

  Foggy looked at the one dangling from Finn’s nose and shook his head.

  “Definitely not,” he said. “Let me just run a cleaning program. One moment.”

  Foggy beeped and whirred. A small squeegee emerged from his side. It wiped up Finn’s spit and returned to his body.

  “There,” said Foggy. “Now I won’t spread those germs throughout the Marlowe.”

  “Are you leaving?” asked Finn. He was in a bad mood and wanted a little space.

  “No way,” said Foggy. “I have lots more observations to make!”

  He sat down and stared hard at Finn. For a long time.

  “Um, you know what, Foggy?” said Finn. “You can go. Please. Feel free.”

  “Okay,” said Foggy. “If that would make you feel better.”

  “It would,” said Finn.

  Foggy stood up, knocking over the Monopoly board as he made his way toward the door.

  “Oh, so sorry,” he said.

  The family all looked at him.

  “I . . . I had all the railroads,” said Finn.

  “I’m sorry for the trouble,” said Foggy. “But could you please?”

  He pointed to the bedroom door. Every Caspian in the room sighed. They slowly walked toward the bedroom.

  “It’s not fair,” Paige whined.

  “It’s definitely not fun,” said her dad.

  “Finn, you really shouldn’t talk to Foggy that way,” said Captain Caspian.

  “But he was staring at me,” said Finn.

  “You know you’re very lucky to have him,” she said. “He’s a good friend to you, and there are millions of kids on Earth who would die to have their own ro—”

  “Um, excuse me, Caspian family,” said Foggy. “Could you please close the door? So I can leave? It’s awkward to stand here and listen to you.”

  Captain Caspian closed the door and Finn flopped on his parents’ bed. No one heard Foggy stifle a small, robotic cough as he left.

  Chapter Three

  Mission Pretty Possible

  “Finn! You’re alive!” shouted Vale as he ran down the hall. Finn had just taken his first step out of his compartment.

  “Yep!” said Finn. “Four weeks, three days, seven hours, thirty-five minutes, and let’s call it an even thirty seconds since I was quarantined.”

  “Sorry I called your mom a snot monster!” said Vale.

  “What was that, Vale?” said Captain Caspian, following Finn out into the hall.

  “Um,” said Vale. “I said, I’m sorry I called your mom not-a-monster. Finn was calling you a snot monster. Right, Finn? And then I was saying, ‘no, she’s not a monster.’ That may have sounded like ‘snot monster,’ but it was ‘snot a monster.’”

  “So if you were defending me, why were you apologizing?” said Captain Caspian. She smiled at Finn. She knew that she made Vale nervous, and she was enjoying this.

  “I wasn’t!” said Vale. Sweat rained off his forehead. “I wasn’t saying, ‘I’m sorry,’ like, ‘my mistake.’ I was saying, ‘I’m sorry,’ like, ‘No way. Nuh-uh, Finn Caspian. Excuse me? I’m sorry, you are NOT going to call your mother a snot monster in front of me! I’m sorry, but that is not okay.’”

  Captain Caspian was laughing hard enough now that Vale realized she was just joking with him.

  “Oh, I see,” said Vale. “You guys get locked up together for a month and all you do is plan a joke on me?”

  “Vale!!” Foggy came bounding out of the compartment. “Ah, my dear old friend, Vale! Oh, how I’ve missed you!”

  He picked up Vale in a bear hug.

  “Thanks?” said Vale. “Finally someone misses me. And it’s the weird robot who saw me yesterday.”

  “We all missed you, Vale,” said Captain Caspian. “And I’ll miss you even more when you go out on your new mission!”

  “What?” asked Finn. “Really?!”

  “Yes,” she said. “While we’ve all been cooped up for the last few weeks, I’ve been planning the next Explorers Troop 301 mission. Vale, why don’t you go get Elias and Abigail and tell them to meet us in the map room. Finn, you and Foggy come with me.”

  Vale ran off to get them.

  “Finn, I want to talk to you before the others arrive,” said Captain Caspian. “I hope you’ll take this mission seriously.”

  “I take every mission seriously, Mom,” said Finn.

  “I know, but this one is especially for you,” she said.

  Finn tilted his head. “What do you—”

  “Here are the sickos!” Vale yelled as he ran in with Abigail and Elias.

  “I missed you guys!” Finn hugged them both. “No germs, I promise.”

  “Just your usual germs, you mean,” said Abigail.

  Everyone got quiet. That’s what it was like in the map room. Something about the place made the explorers feel like they should be subdued.

  The room was round, dark, and had a domed ceiling. On the walls were maps of planets Marlowe explorers had ventured to in the past. In the center of the room a projector rose out of the floor. It shone a giant map of Galaxy Fishbone on the ceiling. (The Marlowe had long since run out of names for all the galaxies they visited, so Paige got to name this one.) At the center of the map was a bright red star. About fifteen planets surrounded it. They were all different colors.

  “It’s incredible,” said Abigail.

  “It is,” said Captain Caspian.

  Captain Caspian pressed a button on the console in front of the projector, and fourteen planets shrunk away. The image of a blue world, seven planets from the star, grew on the ceiling.

  “That’s it,” said Captain Caspian. “That’s where you’ll be going.”

  “What is it?” asked Elias.

  “We don’t know the name, but we do know that it seems peaceful,” she said. “There’s no reason to think anything down there would want to hurt us.” She had said this to them before. And every time she said it, she’d been wrong.

  “Anything?” said Elias. “I thought we tried not to call aliens ‘things’ because it made them seem like objects.”

  “You’re right,” said Captain Caspian. “But those aren’t aliens living down there. They’re robots.”